I Never Stop Editing

It seems I never stop editing. Two sentences in a recent New Yorker article (“Personal Best” by Atul Gawande, October 3 2011) made me stop and think. (Incidentally, the New Yorker is a well-edited magazine – I have gripes only a few times a year.)

These sentences interest me because they’re both correct (the first is an example of a grammatical point few writers seem to understand) – but I still think rewriting is necessary.

Here’s the first sentence:

Perlman, disabled by polio, couldn’t play the violin standing, and DeLay was one of the few who were convinced that he could have a concert career.

Two things here fired off my mental editing machine. Gawande’s choice of were (one of the who were) deserves a round of applause. Most writers would have used was (“Delay was one of the few who was convinced”). My thinking: few…were. If you wanted to use was, you’d have to revise the sentence like this:

Perlman, disabled by polio, couldn’t play the violin standing, and DeLay was one instructor convinced that he could have a concert career.

But there’s something there that bothers me: Using “he” in a sentence about two males, Perlman and DeLay. I’ll admit that few readers would be confused. Obviously Perlman is the person whose concert career is in doubt. Still, I can imagine a reader’s brain halting for a few milliseconds to make sure it really was Perlman.

OK, let’s get even pickier. “And” is a weak way to join two sentences.

So I might have revised the sentence like this:

Most instructors believed that Perlman could never have a concert career because his polio forced him to play the violin sitting down. DeLay was one of the few who thought otherwise.

You probably noticed that I made two sentences out of the original – often a cure for awkward or ambiguous sentences.

Here’s the second sentence that stumped me:

Knowledge of disease and the science of treatment are always evolving.

My problem is “knowledge.” Did Gawande mean only knowledge of disease, which seems to be the case, or knowledge of both disease and the science of treatment? If so, the verb should have been is. (Click here and see Rule 4.)

Now you could argue that Gawande’s choice of are indicates that he meant knowledge of disease to be a separate thing from the science of treatment. But why set all the English teachers out there a-wonderin’? There’s a simple solution: Insert “the” at the beginning of the sentence.

The knowledge of disease and the science of treatment are always evolving.

 

Share

Making Nouns Agree

If you scan the Table of Contents or index of a typical English grammar book, you’ll come across this phrase: Making nouns agree in number and case.

What does that mean, and how do you do it? Here’s a handy example I came across today in an article about blogging:

Feed readers work in a similar way. Open it up, and all of the blogs you subscribe to will show up, with the latest content at the top, usually with just the headline and maybe the first few lines of the blog post displaying.  INCORRECT

The first sentence is about feed readers – more than one – but the next sentence begins with “Open it up”–one thing.

Here’s how I would fix it:

A feed reader works in a similar way. Open it up, and all of the blogs you subscribe to….  CORRECT

That was easy!

Today’s Quiz  ANSWER

Today’s sentence is incorrect. Use whose (not who’s) for “of” ideas. (Who’s means who is. Think of that apostrophe as a little “i.”)

Here’s the corrected sentence:

I can’t wait to hear whose essay won first prize.  CORRECT

 

Share

Clarity, Anyone?

I hate the word “different.”

A sentence in the August 31 Wall Street Journal demonstrates why. The article, “Age-Proofing Your Job Application,” includes this sentence:

A Gmail account gives off a markedly different impression than an AOL or Hotmail account, for example, as does a user name that includes your name or initials and includes only a couple of numbers at the end, if any at all.

So…if I were an older job applicant, which email account should I have? The article doesn’t explain, nor does it enlighten me about whether a user name with a “name or initials” and “a couple of numbers at the end” is good or bad.

All I know is that email addresses are…different.

Gee, I think I knew that already.

 Journalists, take note: Clarity should be high on the list of qualities you strive for in your writing.

Share

Writing an Effects Essay

After watching The Help (a great movie!) this weekend, I started thinking that it might be useful for explaining how to put together an effects essay.

Effects are results, so my essay will focus on what happened to me as I watched the movie.

My first step is to do some freewriting to explore my reactions. (I did that before I started writing this post.) Reading over my freewriting, I realized that rage was my strongest reaction. So now I have a thesis: The Help enraged me. That will go in my first paragraph, after I’ve written an attention-getter (probably a little story from the movie) and some background (the basic story line).

Now I have to write three body paragraphs about rage. This is where it gets tough. I will have to omit many interesting and moving parts of the film because they don’t fit with my thesis (the humor, for example, the love story, and the deep friendships between the Black domestic workers).

Sticking to the thesis is hard for most writers (including me). I’d rather wander all over the events in the movie – but that’s a discovery draft, not a finished essay that can be submitted to a teacher or professor.

OK. I’ve done more freewriting and realized I felt three kinds of rage. Now I’m ready to write my essay. Each body paragraph will deal with a different kind of rage I felt:

1)  Black citizens in the Deep South were denied basic protections guaranteed by the Bill of Rights (such as freedom of speech and assembly).

2)  No legislation covered the working conditions for Black domestic workers (no paid vacation, minimum wage).

3)  White employers demeaned their Black domestic workers (it was ok for Black women to rear white children but not to use the family bathroom).

Each paragraph must stick closely to the type of rage I’m exploring (basic protections, working conditions, demeaning attitude). Every sentence I write has to be connected to rage.

My conclusion will wrap up the essay. I have to be careful there not to wander off into a new topic.

Writing a good essay about effects takes time and effort. (So does any kind of good writing!) Having a plan eliminates a lot of wasted time and ensures a better result.

logo for The Help film

Share

Writing a Definition

If you’re working on modes of development in a writing class, you may be assigned a definition paper. Writing a definition can be challenging! Here are some tips to get you started.

First let’s define “definition essay.”

A definition essay is a general description of a broad category of things or people.

That phrase “broad category” is essential. Don’t write about one specific thing. For example, you could define “godparents,” but you couldn’t write an entire essay about your own godparent.

If your instructor assigns a definition essay, you will need to write more than a simple dictionary definition of a word or term. You have to provide details and examples to bring your paper to life.

Many writers enjoy writing definition papers because they allow you to showcase your personality and experience. You can be humorous or serious, an advocate or an opponent. To get you started, here are some possibilities:

good/bad date

Republican/Democrat

good/bad instructor

good/bad roommate

good/bad/boss

New Yorker

redneck

perfect [anything]

bigot

liberal

jock

By now you’ve probably noticed that taking an attitude towards your topic is a big help when you’re writing a definition paper. Defining something neutral (like an egg) or abstract (like love) is much harder than defining something you can pin down, like a “true friend.”

Here are elements you might include in your essay:

  • a dictionary definition if the term might be unfamiliar to readers
  • details
  • negations (what makes your item different–for example, a motel won’t offer room service and other benefits you expect from a hotel)
  • causes (such as experiences that might make a person adopt a particular political viewpoint)
  • results (pointing out that a bad boss eventually causes firings and resignations)

As I mentioned earlier, definition writing can give you a chance to show off your sense of humor. Here are some examples that could be expanded into essays:

A bride is a radiant young woman who’s oblivious to her parents’ panic about the cost of her wedding.

A cat is a small, furry mammal with a long tail, a sharp brain, and a total inability to learn any tricks.

First love is a temporary form of insanity.

Many famous people have written clever definitions. You can find examples at using definition as a Google search term. Here are a few examples:

Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.  (Oscar Wilde)

A cynic is “a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.”  (Oscar Wilde)

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. (Groucho Marx)

Writing a good definition can be both challenging and fun. If you’re stuck for an idea, think about the people around you and the roles they perform. You’ll soon be on your way.

Share

Apostrophes with Family Names

The September 2 edition of the Huffington Post featured an article about Oprah Winfrey’s dislike for reality shows–an issue now that Carson Kressley, the host of an Oprah Winfrey Network show, will be a contestant on this season’s Dancing with the Stars.

A sentence in the story caught my editor’s eye: the network “has the O’Neil’s and The Judd’s which might not be as crazy as some of VH1 and Bravo shows, but nevertheless they are reality shows.”

Nope. It “has the O’Neils and The Judds….” without apostrophes. Apostrophes don’t mean “more than one.” They signify “of ” ideas.

And the title of the show is misspelled: It should have been spelled The O’Neals, and that which clause should have begun with a comma. So many mistakes in one sentence!

To learn more about apostrophes with family names, click here.

Share

Introducing Modes of Development

If you’re a writing student, you can expect assignments using various modes of development, including narrative, comparison/contrast, cause/effect, definition, classification, and process.

Depending on your viewpoint, these modes of development (or patterns) are either wondrously useful or a pain in the neck. If you’re a student assigned to write, say, a process or classification or comparison paper, you may not be too happy about it.

But if you’re a serious writer, you’re probably grateful to have a smorgasbord of these patterns available so that you can choose the one that’s best for the task at hand.

It’s sort of like standing before a buffet table with six types of potato dishes to choose from. There – the scalloped potatoes with just a smidgen of paprika! That’s what I want!

But students often miss the point when they start learning about modes of development. I’m recalling what used to happen with my own students when I assigned, say, a contrast paper. Male students their late teens or early twenties invariably wanted to write about the differences between sports cars and SUV’s because a) they were passionately interested in cars and b) they could easily come up with a detailed list of contrasts.

But there’s a problem: Whoever walked into a dealership wondering whether to buy a Jaguar or a Ford Explorer?

So here’s the first principle for working with modes of development: Choose a meaningful topic.

Another problem is that modes papers often lack a point. When I used to assign process essays, students would hand in either cake recipes or step-by-step instructions for washing a car or peeling a banana.

Now I will grant you that creating recipes and writing directions are useful skills. But they’re more appropriate for a technical writing course than first-year composition. I was looking for a paper that showcased the process that the student had selected – why a particular way of doing something is better, or why more people should adopt that process, or why it was important, or dangerous, or interesting.

Second principle: Use the mode to make a point.

Textbooks were often the unwitting source of the third problem – failing to appreciate the special advantages of each mode. When a sales rep from a textbook company dropped by to show off a new textbook, I always looked at the comparison and contrast chapter to see if the authors got it right. Usually, alas, they didn’t.

Here’s what I was looking for: Comparisons are useful when you’re trying to emphasize the similarities between two things that seem very different. For example, suppose you knew a high school senior who was afraid to enroll in college. You could show her that college is a lot like high school, so there’s nothing to be afraid of.

On the other hand, you could use contrasts (emphasizing differences) to persuade a student who hated high school to enroll in college.

But the sample essays in the textbooks usually discussed…similarities and differences between sports cars and SUV’s.

Third principle: Match the mode to your purpose, using its special features to your advantage.

Help is available! For suggested topics you can use for a modes of development assignment, click here. You can also click links for other modes of development: narrative (Part I and Part II), processcause/effect, and classification.

Student Writing 2002

Share

Ten Rules for Writers

Many people mistakenly think that writing rules are only for students and novice writers. The truth is that most good writers have gradually assembled a set of rules that they rely on for everything they write. Here are 10 rules for writers that I’ve found useful in my own career as a writer, teacher, and editor:

1. Don’t tell readers what they already know. Good writers always have something fresh to say. (Remember when you were growing up and stopped listening the moment an adult started lecturing you on Responsibility or Good Behavior?)

One good strategy is to explore your theme from a fresh angle. If you’re writing about the winter holidays, try setting your story in a warm climate. If you’re discussing ways to keep love alive in a marriage, include a few anecdotes about couples who overcame unusual problems. Better yet, explore a topic that will be brand new to many of your readers: An unusual way to solve a common problem, a fresh outlook on an ordinary experience.

2. Make your point of view clear right from the beginning. Avoid ambiguous statements like “Many people believe…” or “A recent study shows…” It’s much better to clarify your point of view with a statement like “many people mistakenly believe” or “a helpful recent study shows.”

3. Make it easy for readers to understand what you’ve written. If there are seven or eight women in your story or article, remind readers that Alice is your central character’s sister-in-law. The same holds true for chronologies (don’t expect readers to remember 13 pages later that it’s still 1922) and unusual words, which you should define in context: “We toured a fascinating exhibit about the troglodytes (cave-dwellers) who used to live there.”

4. Have a plan. You should know your main point, supporting ideas, and examples before you start drafting your paper or article. If you’re not sure where you’re going (as often happens when you’re researching a new topic), write a discovery draft first. A rambling, I-don’t-know-where-it’s-taking-me draft is a great way to explore a topic–but don’t mistake it for a final draft.

Be especially wary if you’re taking a long time to arrive at your main point. Your thesis belongs near the beginning, not the end (see Rule 2).

5. Cut, cut, cut. Omit everything that doesn’t match your thesis. If you’re writing about your wonderful trip to Rome, don’t mention anything negative that happened (bad weather, shoddy service, delays).

This principle often bothers novice writers: Isn’t it dishonest to omit parts of the story? The answer is an emphatic no. Every detail, fact, and description should support your overall point. What if you don’t know what point you’re making? That’s a sure sign you’re writing a discovery draft (see Rule 4).

6. If a sentence contains more than three commas (unless you’re writing a list), it’s probably too complicated. Consider rewriting it.

7. Take a long look at every and, asking yourself whether the sentence should be rewritten. Although and is a wonderfully useful word, sometimes it oversimplifies sentences, and sometimes it’s simply…boring.

John sat down at the piano, and he entertained our guests with some gorgeous music. WEAK

John sat down at the piano, entertaining our guests with some gorgeous music. BETTER

8. In general, limit each sentence to only one idea. Cramming too many ideas and details into a sentence frustrates readers and may even convince them to stop reading. If a sentence has to be read twice, it’s too complicated: Rewrite it.

9. Make the first sentence in each paragraph (the topic sentence) relate to your theme or point of view. If there’s a Golden Rule of Writing, this is it. This lovely rule will help you eliminate anything that needs to be cut (see Rule 5), and it makes the reading process smooth and speedy. More than any other practice, this practice will ensure that readers enjoy what you’ve written.

10. Use climaxes. This rule will help you sound like a professional writer. (Good news for student writers: This is a great technique for impressing your teachers.) Here’s how: If you have three examples, save the biggest or most important for last.

For my tenth birthday, my parents gave me a Monopoly game, a catcher’s glove, and a shiny red bicycle. CLIMAX

When you’re organizing your supporting ideas, save the paragraph with your most important point for the end. Use an introductory phrase that sounds emphatic, like most important or best of all. Never use finally, last, or last but not least: They suggest that you’re almost finished and readers can stop paying attention.

That’s it! Follow these 10 rules, and you’ll soon see a vast improvement in your writing.

Share

A Sentence about Finland

Because my grandmother was Finnish, and my aunts spoke the Finnish language, and I have a close friend who’s Finnish, I always feel that Finland doesn’t get the attention it deserves. So I was very pleased to find an article about Finland’s excellent school system in the latest issue of Smithsonian Magazine

…which is where I came across this mouthful of a sentence (you need to know that “Louhivuori” is the last name of a Finnish teacher pictured in the article):

The school where Louhivuori teaches served 240 first through ninth graders last year; and in contrast with Finland’s reputation for ethnic homogeneity, more than half of its 150 elementary-level students are immigrants—from Somalia, Iraq, Russia, Bangladesh, Estonia and Ethiopia, among other nations.

Helsinki, we have a problem. The sentence refers to “Finland’s reputation for ethnic homogeneity….” What does that mean? “Reputation” is an ambiguous word. It could mean that Finland really is ethnically homogeneous – or, by contrast, that Finland has wrongly been characterized that way.

A little tinkering with the sentence would have made things clear: “Finland’s well-deserved reputation…” or “Finland’s longstanding reputation…”

I checked Wikipedia and discovered that Finland indeed is one of the most ethnically homogeneous nations in Europe–but the times, they are a-changin’.

Ethnicity issues aside, that’s an awfully long sentence, containing six or seven ideas:

  • Louhivuori teaches in a school with 240 students
  • The elementary level has 150 students
  • Grades one through nine are taught there
  • Finland has a longstanding reputation for ethnic homogeneity
  • Half the elementary-level students are immigrants
  • They come from Somalia, Iraq, Russia, Bangladesh, Estonia, Ethiopia, and other nations

I’d say that information warrants at least two sentences–wouldn’t you agree?

Clarity is high on the list of essential qualities of good writing – and deservedly so. Usage errors, poor organization, and other sins can be forgiven. But if we miss what the author is trying to say, the whole purpose of reading and writing is lost.

A good remedy is to ask a friend to read over what you’ve written before you submit it for publication. If you can find someone who’s really sharp, like my husband (who read the Finland article before I did and spotted the offending sentence), you’re really in luck.

Flag of Finland

Share

Jibe or Gibe?

Turns out I don’t know which word to use: jibe or gibe.

I made this discovery when I took a Washington Post editing quiz based on the latest edition of the AP Stylebook. Anyone who’s serious about writing should have a sense of the things that editors do and the issues they have to deal with (like the difference between jibe and gibe – sigh).

Note that I’m not saying you should memorize the AP Stylebook, or even that you have to follow it. The AP (for Associated Press) Stylebook tells journalists how to handle various usage questions, and often the decisions are arbitrary: Is it Queen or queen? Pope or pope? Synch or sync? (Answers: queen and pope, unless a name follows, such as Queen Victoria; sync, without the h.)

Many organizations and institutions have their own stylebooks. At the college where I used to teach, the stylebook (which I helped write) decreed that President should be capitalized. We didn’t care that the AP Stylebook didn’t do it that way: We thought our President (an amazing woman, by the way) deserved a capital letter.

If you enjoy tangling with issues like these, perhaps you should think about a career in publishing or editing. And if your future does seem to lie in that direction, it would be a good idea to get your hands on the AP Stylebook to learn more about what editors do.

Share