In 1920 British composer Albert Ketèlbey (1875-1959) composed a wonderful piece of music that’s probably familiar to you: “In a Persian Market.” (You can listen to it here: https://youtu.be/pY9rHa75UHs.)
Charlie and I always enjoy the classical music channel provided by our cable TV company. We also get a kick out of seeing pictures of the composers and reading tidbits about their lives.
But sometimes the writing isn’t very good. Here’s what we read on our TV screen while we were listening to “In a Persian Market” today:
Ketèlbey received a scholarship to Trinity College, where he attended.
That is a weak sentence. It sputters to the end – exactly what you don’t want a sentence to do.
How do you fix it? I have two pieces of advice for you:
- Don’t try tweaking a bad sentence. That never helps.
- Start over with a new sentence.
Here’s my revision:
Ketèlbey attended Trinity College as a scholarship student. BETTER