Write Strong Sentences

Here’s a weak sentence I came across recently. See if you can figure out what I don’t like about it:

This cold-hardy, pest-proof, drought-tolerant shrub thrives in sun or light shade and is long lived.

The answer is that the sentence sputters. Your writing should always feel as if it’s going somewhere. And there’s a second problem: too much information has been crammed into one sentence.

Here’s my version:

This long-lived shrub is cold hardy, pest proof, and drought-tolerant. Even better, it thrives in sun or light shade.

 A powerful runner

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2 thoughts on “Write Strong Sentences

  1. AvatarElizabeth Fike

    Thanks Jean! I was always taught to look at the sentence without the other person’s name when figuring out what personal pronoun to use. In this case removing the two words, “Carol and”, make it easy to see which one works. Is this method reliable in every situation? Thanks, and keep up the good work. You’ve helped me tremendously. Elizabeth

  2. Avatarballroomdancer Post author

    Sorry about the delay in replying, Elizabeth! I always enjoy hearing from you.
    I do pronouns the same way you do. It’s so simple!
    I always taught my students do it that way – we called it the “thumb rule” (you covered the other person’s name with your thumb).
    Thanks so much for your appreciative words about my blog. I’m so glad you’ve found it helpful. Jean

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