I just read an article that clears up some confusing points about apostrophes: “Lame Duck Punctuation.” I wish I could say I’m pleased, but I’m not. I have a feeling I’m going to be cranky all day.

Two things bothered me about the article. First, the title – “Lame Duck Punctuation” – isn’t helpful. The writer’s point is that punctuation errors make you as ineffectual as a lame duck. But many people (I’m one) instantly associate “lame duck” with politics, not punctuation. Why confuse your readers right off the bat?

The second irritation is the way she explains pronouns like his, hers, yours, ours, theirs, and its. She wants you to remember that they belong to a group called pronomial pronouns that don’t get apostrophes. Ever.

She’s right, of course. But sheesh – why make it sound so complicated? I have a Ph.D. in English, and I can’t remember ever seeing the word pronomial before.

There’s a much simpler way to learn how to use these pronouns. (And there’s a bonus – you’ll have a handy memory device in case to use if you need it later.)

Here it is: Think about the word his. No apostrophe, right?

All those pronouns work the same way: his, hers, yours, theirs, ours, its. No apostrophe. I love rules that don’t have exceptions!

All of these examples are correct:

That book is his, not hers. 

The dog buried his bone.

The dog buried its bone.

His is the blue Subaru.

Hers is the blue Subaru.

Easy, isn’t it? And you don’t need that duck!