Like many states, Florida is gradually moving toward decriminalizing marijuana use. Last week the commissioners in a nearby town were thinking about softening the penalties for possession of small amounts of pot. Here’s the opening sentence from a November 11 newspaper article about the controversy:

LAKELAND — The City Commission chose not to buck the advice of municipal, county and state law enforcement officials by pursuing an ordinance to reduce the penalties for Lakeland Police Department’s enforcement of minor marijuana possession.

I was befuddled when I read that sentence, and I don’t think it was entirely my fault. The journalist who wrote it chose to cram everything into one sentence instead of recounting the events step-by-step. Result: confusion.

If you rewrite the information as an unfolding narrative (story), the information becomes clear right away:

LAKELAND – There’s a growing feeling that Lakeland Police Department’s penalties for minor marijuana possession are too severe. But when the City Commission started considering an ordinance that would reduce penalties, law enforcement officials from the city, county and state pushed back. In the end, the City Commission voted down the ordinance.

You probably noticed that I ended up with three sentences instead of one. Breaking a complicated sentence into several smaller ones is my favorite way to solve a writing problem. Strangely, though, I don’t often come across that advice in books about writing. (Naked, Drunk and Writing is a notable exception.)

I suspect that many writing instructors are members of the “long sentences are good” club – and that’s unfortunate. When I conduct writing workshops, I often find that writers are afraid of simplicity and clarity. They may not remember how to use a comma or apostrophe, but they continue to cling to the complicated sentence patterns their instructors preferred.

Here’s a common-sense principle for you: Long sentences with lots of commas don’t make you look smart. If you want to impress readers, work on your thinking skills. Read.  Join a writing group, or find a writing buddy. Master the usage principles that writers tend to overlook (parallel construction, clear pronoun references, and so on).

Most important, don’t confuse complicated writing with good writing. They’re not the same thing!