Updating Business Language

Is your business language out of date? Business writing is often clogged with unnecessary words and outdated expressions. For example:

During the month of August, store hours will be extended for the purpose of  holding back-to-school sales.

Here’s a much better way to state the same information:

In August, store hours will be extended for back-to-school sales.

Or:

In August, the store will stay open later for back-to-school sales.

Here’s an activity for you: Can you make these words and phrases more effective?

in the event that

blue in color

due to the fact that

if or when

prearrange

whether or not

large in size

at an earlier date

in order to

as per your request

Here’s how I rewrote them:

in the event that if

blue in color

due to the fact that because

if or when

prearrange

whether or not

large in size

at an earlier date

in order to

as per your request as you requested

How did you do?